The End of the Road

Hell, And How I Got Here by Brenda Medina and Puzzle Pieces by Barbara Parsons Lane argon two short stories from the book Couldnt occur It To Myself by Wally Lamb. Medina and Lane are two women who are serving duration in a maximum security prison. Brenda Lane is serving clipping for homicide and Barbara Parsons Lane is serving time for mankindslaughter. Brenda was involved in a large number-re freshd cleanup position while Barbara was convicted of killing her abusive save. Each of these women lived their lives being subjected to scream, yet all(prenominal) woman portrayed themselves differently.Brenda was determined to gain power and not feeling at like an outsider in her possess animation. She was determined to take reign over and she was eternal going to be the odd girl out (148). Barbara was animated feel as a victim and saw only maven way to end the abuse. She was victimized in a way that do her looking as if she had no way of escaping her nightmare. Brenda found ways to present herself in put in to happen upon a can in the man as Barbara was be short(p)d to the demo where she felt she was too weak to be able to walk away . In Hell, And How I Got Here, Brenda went through life finding ways to gain power.Brenda felt like an outsider for often of her childhood. She spent umpteen unhappy geezerhood at a undercover school, feeling that she didnt belong. It was not until her high school years, that she finally felt liberated. It was at this time of her life when Brenda started trying to find ways to authorize herself and gain the status she was dreaming of. During high school, Brenda started dating Manny, a particle of a local gang, The Unidad. Brenda recalled that from the duration of fourteen until she went to prison at the age of s blushteen, Manny ran through my veins (152).Even though her bewilder disapproved of Manny, Brenda dated Manny, the boy with the outlaw aura. dismission against her mothers wishes made Brenda feel sinewy. She was going to run her cause life from now on. As a child, Barbara was a lost little girl, just like Brenda. Her life was full of disappointments. At the age of four, Barbara was molested by a man she trusted, her grandfather. Looking for support and comfort, Barbara was finally able to find the strength to confide in her mother round what her grandfather had through to her.Instead of comfort, Barbara was told by her mother to never mention the molestation to any single. Dont you ever say a word (218). So she didnt. Barbara became a serene but a very angry little girl. Barbaras mother was later diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and later hospitalized. Barbara was left to tend to the dramatics she still shared with her alcoholic father and her two siblings. She had no atomic number 53 to go to and no superstar to talk to. Barbara resented her mothers illness. She say the illness had muster outd her brother and sister and made me a slave (220).Barbara was t he one left after her brother and sister moved out. Many years later, Barbaras mother committed suicide. While dealing with her mothers death, Barbara confided in her Aunt Ruth about her grandfather molesting her at a young age. Aunt Ruth told Barbara was molested by the same man, her father. Barbara did not generalize why her mother just stood and watched while Barbara walked away, hand in hand, with the man she knew all too well. Two years before her mother took her own life, Barbara got married for the second time. She married a younger man named click.The illness she resented earlier in life was about to resurface and, once again, elucidate her feel trapped. During their relationship, Manny grew to become controlling and abusive towards Brenda. He began to dictate the throng she was allowed to see and what she could wear. Screaming at her after he ripped the skirt take of her, Manny yelled, No girl of mines gonna strut herself like a little slut (161) Manny also became ph ysically and started cheating on Brenda as well. Anytime Brenda threatened to break up with Manny, he begged and cried for her to stay.Brenda always stayed and she always forgave him. She love to hear Manny tell her how much her loved and that he only valued him for herself. Brenda loved the feeling she had by hearing Manny beg for to stay. She felt powerful. sensation anything but powerful, Barbara was beginning to live a life of being controlled by an abusive husband. assure became abusive emotionally and physically towards Barbara. The things he tell to her were intended to make her feel insignificant and make her feel that she had no choice but to stay. Some days he drinks from noon until late at night.If I challenge him or question him, Im told Im an inconveniencehis code for watch out (225). existence told she was an inconvenience by her husband happened on a regular basis. Mark was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, just like her mother. He drank alcohol in order to medicate himself and began having an affair with a fifteen year old girl. Mark openly talked about it to Barbara, adding to her feelings of inadequacy. She ended up having to quit her job because of the abuse and the unpredictability of her home life.Barbara was once again feeling imprisoned, just as she did as a hild. Brendas relationship with Manny was everything she was looking for. She had found her place in the knowledge domain. However, Brenda was still feeling left out when it came to Manny, the gang, and their secrets. Brenda had never mentation about associateing a gang until she talked a sister of the gang. Erika persuaded Brenda to join because of the feeling of family the Unidad gave Erika. Brenda liked the idea and also knew she would no longer feel like an outsider. Brenda longed for the feeling of belonging and knew that her being a genus Phallus of the gang would bring her and Manny closer.There would no longer be secrets between them. Barbara was living the life in which she was subjected to verbal and physical abuse from her husband. She had to listen to him talk about the affair he was having, being completely humiliated by it. Barbara even contemplated suicide at one point. Barbara lived her life feeling as if at that place was no way out. Marks belittling words were engraved in her mind. Those words had the power of making Barbara believe she was destined to stay. If she chose to leave, he would kill her. Barbara felt as if she did not have any options at all.She felt completely powerless. Brenda was feeling anything but powerless. Manny, being a member of a gang, had power. Brenda felt that by being his girlfriend gave her power. Despite the detail that Manny was abusive, Brenda felt empowered knowing that she had found her place in this world with Manny. She believed that without her boyfriend, she would not have a place. The one thing Brenda always cherished was to belong. She longer felt like an outsider when she was with Manny . At the beginning of their relationship, Manny told her Im safe with you.And you are safe here (156). That was precisely what Brenda was looking for. She was no longer the odd girl out (148). She was Mannys girl. She was a member of the Unidad. She had power. What Brenda decided to do with the power she had obtained with the joining gang would be a life changing decision. The only way Barbara had the power to extinguish herself from the abuse was to file for divorce. Taking the step to file was a immense and terrifying decision for Barbara to make. It was so worrisome in fact that she seek to stop the process.After Mark was served the papers, he took Barbara to a secluded confine in the woods, making sure she was fully aware that he had brought guns along on the trip. The trip that Mark planned had one purpose he precious to remind Barbara that her only option was to remain a devoted wife. If she well-tried leaving him, he would terminate her. Mark made it clear many times how easy it would be for him to do. During the trip to the cabin, after Barbara asked him if he went to cabin just to target shoot, Mark replied with, No, I came all this way to examine you how easy it would be to make you disappear (230).Barbara knew divorce was out of the question. He would kill her before he granted her one. Although the trip put a divorce out of the question, it made Barbara realize there was only one option left. In order for her to free herself and to escape the trap of an abusive marriage, she would have to kill Mark before he killed her. Brenda and Barbara were both victims of abuse. That is where the similarities end. any Brenda wanted was to become someone other than the outsider. She was abused by her gang member boyfriend. She used that to threaten her boyfriend of leaving him.Brenda felt powerful when would hear Manny beg for her to stay. She finally felt like she was somebody. She was no longer an outsider of the odd girl out (148). Barbara was abused and belittled to the point where it made her think of herself as a weakling. She felt it was impossible to free herself from her nightmare. Brenda tried to escape but she always backed down because of how her husband made her think she was weak. Feeling empowered and feeling victimized are at the opposite end of the spectrum, yet they sometimes end up meeting at the end of the same road.